I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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