You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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