haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
