i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
