She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
