tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
