I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
