The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
