Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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