Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
