I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
