in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
