Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
