um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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