Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
