Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
