I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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