I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
