i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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