Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
