even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
