I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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