i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
