why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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