TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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