a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize