they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize