watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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