here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
