There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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