wrigley field is MILF paradise
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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