her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
