im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
