That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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