Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
