There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
