just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize