I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
