no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
