I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize