perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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