Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
