Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
