i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
