when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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