you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize