yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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