remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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