whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
