Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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