My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
