That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
