I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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