Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
