he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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