ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You left your underwear on the fireplace
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
