So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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