They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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