my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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