I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
