It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your tits are I can't wait for
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
