if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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