i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
