you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's blow job season.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
