So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
