yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
