Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
