There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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