you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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