My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
