I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
