What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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