my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
