AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
tell me about the fingering
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
