i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
