I just gift wrapped bread.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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