Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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