even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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