I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
