I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
