i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
