She's JV to your varsity
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
