saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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