Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
