My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
