when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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