Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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