i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
