We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
