This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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