im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
