Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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