She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize