didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
