my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
