My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
