He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
