Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
