Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
