does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
