I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drunk is not a location!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
