I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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