After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
