Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
