Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
two words: eviction party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
