Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sarcasm needs its own font
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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