He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
