Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
