my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
