I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
